Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
