That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
