I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Randomize
