Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
