i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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