I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
