he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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