I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
