Just took my morning after pill in the library
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
