Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
