guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
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