You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I just gargled with NyQuil
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
