I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
