real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Hippo gnu deer
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
