So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
