My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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