I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I smell like Dick and happiness
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
