God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
