You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
