i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
