a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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