i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
