Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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