peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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