the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
