Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
