I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
