I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
