I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
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