This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Randomize
