i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Randomize
