i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
