If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
