mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
