i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
