Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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