Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
