if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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