she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
