Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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