Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Randomize
