Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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