SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
