Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
