He is an equal opportunity slut.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
