I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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