If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I love how my cats smell like pot.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
