Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
