that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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