My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
