i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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