i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
