she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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