Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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