I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
