I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
