...so i touched it.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
