Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
