When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
