I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
