Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
