dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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