you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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