I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
