I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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