I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
