I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
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Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
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Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
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