True but thats because hes a fetus.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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